tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90456755269147542362024-02-20T01:56:44.843-08:00FAITH MidlifeFurther Adventures In Trusting Him - a new phase of lifeSandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-21746786389797303982015-09-02T11:55:00.000-07:002015-09-02T11:55:09.612-07:00Happy Anniversary<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One year ago today I had surgery to remove the cancer in my breast and lymph nodes. A lot has happened since that surgery, and I remember it all. I also remember the support I had from wonderful people - family, friends, and my medical team. I am now a cancer survivor, a designation that has placed me in a group I never thought I'd be a member of but am actually grateful to have joined. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From now on I will proudly walk with the survivors.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As time goes on, I am feeling stronger and no longer need my afternoon nap. I've had to have several haircuts because my curly hair is growing in like crazy! Color, too. My eyebrows and lashes have filled in, fallen out (with help from the eyelash curler) and returned. The chemo brain has diminished but is not entirely gone (or it could be the menopause). My skin has changed. In late July I got a rash and having never had anything similar, I went to urgent care only to be told it was hives with an unknown origin. I self-diagnosed it to be an itchy heat rash, and therefore cannot wait for summer to be over. The rash itself is gone but I notice a tingly sensation when I am in the sun, heat or humidity and then I get itchy. I hope the sensitivity is temporary because I want to be outside.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So awkward to smile at yourself.<br /></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have so much to look forward to! Trips and holidays and weddings, traditions as well as new experiences with treasured people. Not quite sure what the next steps are for me and that's ok. Today I am thankfully celebrating the anniversary of my gift of LIFE.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Let me live that I may praise you." Psalm 119:175</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-76383757532677777252015-05-08T12:43:00.000-07:002015-05-08T13:53:51.056-07:00Life goes on<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The diagnosis of breast cancer is a lifetime journey.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I read this somewhere awhile ago and now I understand. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My last radiation treatment was on April 14, eight months after first hearing the words, "You have breast cancer."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've spent these last weeks recovering from treatment and working to figure out my new normal. Last week I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon. Not only did he check the breast where the tumor was, he checked the other one as well. Why? To see if there are any new lumps anywhere. Ahh. He said it's normal for me to be tired and lack energy for several more months. I will continue to see him every three months for the next two years, then every six months for the next three years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday I had a follow-up with my radiation oncologist. She said my skin looks good and she also checked for lumps on both sides. She was pleased to see my hair and eyebrows and lashes (as am I!). She also said that I need a mammogram in six months, and because I'm taking Tamoxifen, I have an increased risk of uterine cancer and blood clots. I don't have to see her again or come back to the radiation department! Unless... ahh.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Next week I see my chemo oncologist, the one who will be monitoring me for the next five to ten years. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember something a dear friend told me about the cancer journey. When you first share the shocking news that you have cancer, people react and respond. When you first start chemo, people react and respond. And then, after awhile, they don't. Life goes on. Except you are still in treatment. And when treatment finally ends, your life will be different., YOU will be different. Life goes on for everyone, but a cancer diagnosis means that your life will never be the same. You will experience a lot of emotions, body changes, LIFE changes. It can be a lonely and overwhelming time as you figure out your new normal. And when all is said and done, you will be left to put together the pieces of the puzzle that is your new life on your own, with the small band of loved ones who've always been there with you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you". Hebrews 13:5</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-41985397882644920882015-04-07T22:22:00.000-07:002015-04-07T22:22:28.720-07:00Hey I'm Still Here!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm still in treatment. I've been going through this breast cancer thing since August. I drive to radiation Monday through Friday, about a 40 mile round trip. I'm fortunate, there's only two Kaiser radiation centers - Ontario and LA, with a new one being built in Anaheim. I met a woman coming from Orange, she was always there early because you can't plan for traffic.</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At first I felt pretty good. I was starting to recover from chemo and the radiation hadn't affected me yet. I had some energy, and was beginning to do some more projects around the house. The dogs and I resumed our regular dog walks, although I can't seem to do more than usual because I'm still quite winded from our moderate exercise. A few weeks later and I'm so tired I can barely move. Well, that's an exaggeration. But I'm really tired. I need a nap every day that I have radiation. I am having trouble sleeping through the night, possibly because of chemo-induced menopause. If I don't take Tylenol PM I'm doomed to be awake most of the night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had my last full site radiation yesterday and also saw the radiation oncologist again. The first time, after a few weeks of treatment, the doctor seemed surprised that my skin looked so good. As with chemo, I chalked it up to my good fortune and was very grateful. Yesterday the doctor said everything was normal, and I realized I sure don't like normal. Besides being exhausted I am now in pain, like I have a really bad sunburn under my arm. The spot is where they've been radiating the lymph area. I'm not wearing a bra (!) whenever possible because it's painful. I had been applying the Aloe Vera gel as instructed and was just told to apply Aquaphor ointment to the entire area. It feels so much better until it dries and I want to apply it again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today was the first of my last six boost treatments. It's one shot of radiation only to the area where the initial tumor was removed. So hopefully the area under my arm and near my clavicle (which is sore but not as sore as the lymph area) will start to heal. Both of those areas are a weird, dark reddish brown color, with spots like large freckles. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've also apparently had some radiation-induced motion sickness. And the damage to my fingernails from the chemo that caused a brown color now has my nails splitting. There are red spots on both of my cheeks. Looks like broken blood vessels. My hair, eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back, albeit slowly but surely. And I only have five more radiation treatments to go.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thick door closed. Beam on!</span></td></tr>
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Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-73919136235827691752015-03-10T17:14:00.000-07:002015-03-10T17:14:37.127-07:00I'm Radioactive, Radioactive<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So radiation.</span><br />
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My final chemo was on February 9 and my first radiation appointment was on February 19. The radiologist and my radiation oncologist took measurements and placed stickers all over my chest and drew on me with a red marker so they could determine the correct angles for aiming the radiation beams and the proper dose of radiation. I had three CT scans to make sure the stickers and marker placement were correct. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's critical when radiating the breast area that as much of the lung and heart is protected from the damaging effects of the radiation. While chemo treats the cells in the entire body, preventing replication of cancer cells, radiation aims to kill any remaining cancer cells in the immediate area where the tumors were found. I am having external photon beam radiation because I had a lumpectomy, or breast conserving surgery (BCS). They are radiating the entire breast, the lymph node area under my arm, above my collarbone and beneath the breast bone in the center of my chest. They know exactly where to radiate because on February 23, I got five permanent tattoos where the stickers had been. They are just small dots, but will be a permanent souvenir of my radiation experience. I was a bit unnerved at first, having a tattoo on my neck like a criminal, but I'll work with it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I received my instructions for radiation - must put aloe vera gel on the affected area twice daily, stay out of the sun, especially the affected area, and a few other things - and found out my schedule. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My radiation oncologist said we needed three weeks from the last day of chemo for recovery before starting radiation. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll have late afternoon appointments the first week, and then settle into my regular schedule of 12:48. I was shown the radiation routine. Check in at the reception desk where the receptionist will give me one of those vibrating disks you get at restaurants to let you know your table's ready. When the disk lights up, I place it on the stack of disks on the desk, go to the dressing room and change into my gown, then proceed to the radiation waiting area and wait for the radiologist to call my name. Pretty simple.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After my radiation appointment, I ate a sandwich that my dad made and broke my tooth. I thought I had just broken a filling but sadly, no. The dentist wanted to get the root canal done before I began treatment. So far I've had the root canal, which was actually really easy, and the crown prep appointment. Wasn't expecting that little surprise but apparently chemo affects your teeth. That's a side effect I didn't really consider. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My first treatment was on March 3. I was in a panic getting there because a deadly accident on the freeway closed my onramp and caused backups on all the side streets. I ended up making it on time and everything went fine. It's weird because you don't see anything happen and you don't feel anything. But you do hear it, and you are always alone. What does it mean that I'm getting radiation on bare skin but the radiologists have to leave the room and close the big, thick door?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I will have radiation Monday through Friday for 31 days. If I don't miss any treatments, my last day will be on April 14. The only side effects I'm expecting are fatigue and some skin redness or sunburn. I think the time will go by quickly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"In quietness and in trusting confidence I find strength." Isaiah 30:15</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-63375174205494706542015-03-02T23:38:00.000-08:002015-03-02T23:51:44.177-08:00 Mixed Emotions and a Happy Birthday <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's done!! My last day of chemo was February 9. I took myself to my final dressing change and blood draw, and on my way home decided that I needed a last-day-of-chemo pink shirt, so I stopped at TJ Maxx and found one. Gus took me to chemo. I had my favorite nurse, Rowena, and all my other favorites were there, too. I brought customized breast cancer sugar cookies from Bee'in Creative with Cookies by Julie Grenier as a thank you to my awesome team (thank you Julie, the nurses loved the adorable cookies!).</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Chemo went really fast, and I had a good meeting with my oncologist. I will see him in three months, when radiation is over, to discuss my follow-up care. I'm in remission, so that's good enough to know right now. We told him that the very next day, February 10, was my birthday, and asked him when I could have those long-anticipated foods like sushi, salad and wine. He said he felt that I could have everything, including a glass of wine...in a week! (I kind of knew that would be his doctorly advice, so I waited one day and had a fantastic birthday celebration!!) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When my last infusion tube was removed, I asked the nurses for a photo, and I joined them all in the nurses station where we danced to Pharrell's song Happy, hugged and took pictures. It was so great! As I walked out of the lab for the last time, Rowena yelled, "We don't want to see you again!". I wasn't expecting to be teary but I was, probably because it's been my home since September 29th, and the nurses have been my family, taking care of me and making me feel safe in a place full of scary diseases and tubes and crazy strong medications. Gus asked me if they were happy tears or sad and I couldn't even tell.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I was already weepy when we pulled up to my house and I saw all the pink heart balloons, decorations and flowers! For some reason Gus was recording me - that's because Sylvia had been in contact with him. So had Sherri, who joined me when I walked inside my house and saw more balloons, including congrats and happy birthday, a bottle of wine and two special wine glasses (cheers and congrats) and a fantastic end-of-chemo sign that she made. Ah, more tears! So amazing to see and feel all the love. I was overwhelmed, joyful and grateful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And tired. I slept well that night and was thrilled to get more flowers throughout my birthday day. After a birthday breakfast and visit to the stables with Mary, I got a fantastic birthday present... my Broviac was removed! No more weird tube sticking out of my body, no more twice a day flushing! So exciting! And to top off the day, a fabulously special birthday dinner with Gus and a beautiful and meaningful birthday gift. I had one of the happiest birthdays ever!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Erika came to visit over the weekend and we had an amazing time as usual with a crazy beach day and Fred's Coronaritas, wine tasting, sushi, and coffee of course. (Allie is coming to visit in April to celebrate the end of radiation). My friends and Gus helped me continue my birthday celebration for a couple of weeks with lots of fun activities, good food and drinks that I've missed! One day Gus and I jogged along the beach and played tennis. I felt so great at the time but then needed extra sleep for the following week! And I rested and napped, broke a tooth and had a root canal, focused on recovering from chemo and prepared for the next phase of treatment which starts tomorrow. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some of my chemo side effects are diminishing, like the heartburn, congestion and insomnia. The hair on my head is growing back, mostly on the sides. I have now lost all my eyelashes and most all my eyebrows. I started taking Tamoxifen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So thankful for the caring family, friends and medical team that God has used to surround me on this journey. "You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:12</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-16797976929595760362015-02-08T23:03:00.001-08:002015-02-08T23:03:40.845-08:00The Light at the End<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well it's finally here. The last day of chemo is tomorrow. After 15 Mondays spent in the Kaiser Hematology/Oncology infusion lab, tomorrow is my last one. I have mixed emotions. I've got a routine, and generally know what to expect in my daily life. All that is going to change.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've done some research (of course I have haha) on what to expect once treatment ends. I have been eager to sign up for a celebratory 5k as soon as possible, and was looking forward to start hiking again and playing tennis. I read that it takes the same amount of time to get back to normal life as the amount of time from the date of my suspicious mammogram until the last day of treatment. I should be finished with radiation in early April, so that would mean that after radiation ends, I may be about nine months away from feeling normal, or actually my "new" normal. Apparently there will be lingering and </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">accumulated effects of everything, starting with surgery and anesthesia</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> to chemo and radiation. Plus, there's the hormone therapy for the next five to ten years. So tomorrow I complete one phase of my treatment and still have several more phases to go. I'll have a new schedule for radiation, and I'll get used to it and then it, too, will end. I guess all I can do is take one day at a time, and be thankful for each one of those days. Tomorrow is my last day of chemo, and for that I'm definitely thankful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week my dear friend Christie took the day off to take me to chemo and then to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Yum! We had a good day! I had another good day on Tuesday, down days Wednesday and Thursday, then good days again. I know tomorrow will definitely be good day!</span><br />
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<br />Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-77060183121608957312015-01-27T17:13:00.000-08:002015-01-27T17:13:39.658-08:00January<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This month has gone by quickly. I have my chemo routine down, and generally know what to expect the rest of the week. There was just a little post-holiday blues, more down days than usual, but lots of good things to balance it all out. I've eaten Cuban, Italian, Chinese, seafood, good old American, my first dim sum, and Filipino. There was a treat of fresh strawberries, only because we bought them from a stand and knew they were grown organically and picked right there in Anaheim Hills, and Gus washed them about four or five times!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've seen some movies (we know where to sit for minimal crowd contact), Unbroken and American Sniper, and finally watched the movie that's been sitting on my coffee table for about a month, Philomena. I've had coffee & breakfasts, lunches & dinners out with friends, played bunco with the church girls, worked on my bible study, done lots of research on tons of things, and added a new old vase to my small carnival glass collection. I had a fun outing to get my make-up done by my lovely and talented niece, Diana, who works for Bobbi Brown. I've also done a lot of office work. Finally finished shredding 30 years of bills and receipts. My shredder died so I had to borrow one to finish the job! Too many phone calls and emails, trips to the post office, Auto Club, car repair. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was also surprised by some unexpected expenses. The car repair was unexpected. I needed a smog for my registration and wouldn't you know, it didn't pass. $400 later, it passed. And I'm getting new health insurance next month, courtesy of Covered California, with a delightful monthly premium of $513. And that is with my premium assistance! I have to get the platinum insurance due to my ongoing treatment, and I also now have copays, plus a 10% coinsurance for all my "special" appointments, treatments and chemo meds. I don't even know what to expect. But God is working it all out like He did previously. A large bill I was paying was paid off in December, just in time for me to pay my large premium this month. Amazing grace!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The chemo side effects now include more of each, in no particular order: metal mouth taste, runny nose and weepy eyes, congestion, insomnia, fatigue, tire easily when walking, heartburn, a few queasy moments, weight gain, sore body, dry mouth, brows and lashes nearly gone, menopause hot flashes, and of course the chemo foggy brain where I can't remember the key word of any given thought in a sentence. I'm trying to focus on my health and not worry about what I'm going to do next (when do I start job hunting? And for what? Aagghhh!) I've been looking up 5k runs to do, and I want to start now, but then I think, "what am I thinking?" I can't even go up the stairs without panting! I know it will take some time to get back to normal after chemo is finished, but at least I know that it will happen (but when???!!!). And if nothing out of the ordinary happens in the next two weeks, I will have Chemo #16, my last chemo, on February 9th! Only two more treatments to go! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Photos top to bottom: Chemo #11, 1/5/15, with Sherri, Chemo #12, 1/12/15, with Darlene, Chemo #13, 1/19/15, with Holly (new baby hair fuzz!), Chemo #14, 1/26/15, with Holly (starting to see some black hairs in the fuzzy mix!)</span></div>
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Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-40809605511230838472014-12-30T13:19:00.001-08:002014-12-30T13:19:42.664-08:00Resolution Time<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hope everyone had a beautiful Christmas. Mine was different and fantastic, filled with family, a few easy errands, baking, some of our traditional movies (Little Women, The Holiday, White Christmas), great gifts, yummy food and fun games. I felt better last week, not as tired and more energy, of course because of the excitement of the holiday and having one of my kids home.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chemo #10 December 29</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sylvia, my sweet friend from church, actually took the day off work to take me to my morning appointment, breakfast, and chemo! On her day off, she spent the whole day with me, and I'm sure grateful. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She brought me a necklace that a friend of hers made and a blingy travel cup, both perfect for my "situation". I love them both.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can fight like a girl because the Lord is my strength!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pharmacist was worried about my low blood pressure. The staff is always worried about my low blood pressure! I guess it's my normal, and better than high blood pressure. I gained a few Christmas cookie pounds. My nurse, Berta, was happy with my blood flow through the Broviac. Apparently not everyone takes good care of their catheter or port. Of course I follow directions, and have never missed a flushing. She tried to give me Benadryl again, saying it would prevent a bad reaction from the Paclitaxel but I told her I didn't have a reaction without it last week so I didn't need it, so I just got Zyrtec, Pepcid and Dexamethasone for premeds. Learned something new again. In the infusion room where I get my treatments there are many different types of patients, not just chemo patients. There's a blood disorder that causes a person's body to make too much blood, so they have to remove some of the person's blood because it will become the consistency of sludge. What? Our bodies do some weird things sometimes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chemo went quickly with no issues, only felt a bit lightheaded at the beginning and then fine. The older woman next to me was having her last treatment. Her daughter had brought her two little kids and since they don't allow children under 12, the daughter had to leave. It didn't seem like it was the woman's last day, no happy signs or balloons or anything special. But I'm sure the fact that it was her last treatment was special to her!</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is the only moment Sylvia and I stopped talking!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I felt good when I got home. The dogs seemed to have a lot of energy so I thought I'd play a game of hide and seek with them. I tried to covertly go up the stairs to hide but they kept following me. The third time I tried I made it up without them seeing me, and hid behind the bathroom door. However, I was breathing so hard that I couldn't wait for them to find me, and had to come out while they were still looking. I had a hard time catching my breath just from that short burst of activity - that's what chemo does to you.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was tired early and probably should have gone to bed before I did. I woke up thinking it was later than it was - the darn clock said 1:48am. I stayed in bed and read "I am Malala" until around 4am, and then I think I was able to take a few cat naps until around 6, when I read some more until coming downstairs at 7 to light the fire and a candle and get my first cup of coffee. Corona is having a cold snap and it's supposed to rain today. So nice.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At some point during my night of insomnia I started thinking about new year's resolutions. I seem to always have the same ones, and this year is no different, except this year getting healthy takes on a whole new meaning. So often in our daily lives we focus too much on what we can't do. It's too hard, I don't have time, I don't have enough money, I'm too (name it), I'm not (name it), other people continue to hurt me/stifle me/prevent me from/cause me to, etc. When you have the kind of wake up calls that I had this year, you better heed the call to change. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am determined to do what I can do right now. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And friends, why wait until you have these kinds of wake-up calls? You don't need to lose your job, get divorced, or have a cancer diagnosis to make a change. Have that hard conversation with yourself, have it with the loved one in the important relationship you are struggling with. Life is short, and you seriously NEVER know what's going to happen to mess up your carefully laid plans. Don't wait. Take steps, whether baby steps or a giant leap, to create your happiness NOW. Not when you retire or when your spouse retires, not when your kids are older or when your parents are no longer around. We fool ourselves into thinking it will be easier sometime down the road. We avoid confrontation, both with others and with ourselves. We avoid going to the doctor when we know we should because we are afraid of what we might hear. But you know what, it doesn't get easier, no matter how long we wait. And maybe we end up wasting a lot of time when we could have been happy, and helped others to be happy, too.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm a big advocate of counseling, and would recommend it to anyone. If you are having marriage issues and your spouse won't go, go by yourself. If there are any challenges, questions, decisions you are hung up on, working through them with a counselor is a great option. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a professional help you to move forward to create the life you deserve. And when you feel good about yourself, and have hope for the future, you can experience joy in your present circumstances regardless of what they are and you'll be enough and have enough to give and receive the love God wants for you.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As 2015 quickly approaches, I resolve to put my health, relationships, and the creation of a new and fulfilling future as my priorities. And I will do this by putting God first. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may OVERFLOW with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-70770384428865046452014-12-23T06:20:00.000-08:002014-12-23T06:20:58.211-08:00Ok, If We're Being Honest...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was told there would be good days and bad days, and last week I met the bad days in person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fatigue hit me like never before. I had no energy, no motivation, and no desire to part ways with the couch. Luckily, I had a lot I could do from the couch. Paying bills, calling companies, researching options for my new health insurance situation, completing an online survey for the American Cancer Society. I got a movie I'd been wanting to see out of the bag of movies<br />Christie lent me and the best I could do was place it on the coffee table. I had no desire to even put it in the DVD player and watch it!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day I slept in, got up and did my flushing, had coffee and a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, and went back to bed. Fortunately sweet Debra offered to buy me a few things at Stater's, and milk and the Cap'n Crunch were two of them. I got a new book on my Kindle, I Am Malala, and tried to read it, then got sidetracked and had to do some research on Sunni Islam, the history of Pakistan and the new report on Dr. Oz. I did run a few short errands - post office to mail Allie's box, shopping with Gus for my Rescue Mission child, a nice lunch with Theresa - but my mood was about as low as my energy (I'll go so far as to say I felt depressed) and I just couldn't shake it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Besides all that, along with the side effects I've previously mentioned, some new ones have made themselves known. It appears that menopause wants me to join the ranks of women who flash. Day and night, with no warning, the heat comes on and my hat, scarf and sweatshirt come off. If I'm wearing all those clothes it's because I am seriously nearly completely bald now, and my head and neck get chilly. The downstairs of my house gets chilly, too, so I layer. I have several friends who have told me about their experiences with hot flashes - now I know firsthand what it's like and it's intense. I've had allergies since November 16, when we went to Ontario Mills in the big Santa Ana winds. I haven't had allergies like this for years, and have been taking the Walgreens brand of Zyrtec D every day since. AND my nurse may be wrong when she said if I hadn't already lost my brows and lashes then I wouldn't. One morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed those little hairs were a lot more sparse than the day before, and now it seems like I'm losing a few more each day. There's some other body things happening that I don't need to mention here, which makes a lot of body drama going on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Add to all this some anger, sadness, bitterness and disappointment about some life issues and throw in a little bit of concern about the future and there you have it. The bad week I was warned about. Now I'm not writing this for sympathy or because I'm in any way inspirational. I'm including it in my blog because I am documenting my personal journey through breast cancer. I still know I'm very fortunate that my low days have been few and far between, and so many other patients have struggles far exceeding mine. I just want to be honest and transparent that I'm not always as strong as I appear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By the weekend I felt a bit better, and was able to get dressed up with Gabby and attend Gus's lovely work party in Costa Mesa. There</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> were Victorian carolers, fancy appetizers (no tuna tartare for me) and wine (did I have one glass???). The dinner was fantastic, and our table mates, Brenden & Sarah and Steve & Theresa, were a fun bunch. Gus and I also tried Seven Seas in Corona for Thai food, and that was delicious. It was also a nice surprise to run into Erika's friends Josh and Kaitlyn. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chemo #9 December 22</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blood draw and dressing change, as usual. Rafi does the best job with my dressing change. It was already a warm, spring-like day at 11am, so my hat came off and I rocked the bald look in my car, at Kaiser, Office Depot and McDonald's. I had another double cheeseburger craving, and this time ate two. Oops. Came back home to meet my parents who came out from Banning to be my chemo companions. They did a few chores for me while I ate and then we battled traffic to get to Kaiser.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had Doni, a nurse I've never had before. She was so sweet and caring, and did something wonderful for me. She changed my pre-meds from Benedryl to Zyrtec, and my quality of chemo life improved immensely! I continued to speak normally and stayed awake the entire time! I started treatment at 1:15, and after reading some magazines, talking with my mom, and playing a high-spirited game of War with her, I was finished by 3:30. As I always learn something new at each session, I thought I'd ask about my end-of-chemo party. As I suspected, I will need to wait a week (hopefully that's all but I'll have to follow up with my oncologist) before having the end-of-chemo party that I'm dreaming about. The one with adult beverages & a big salad bar, sushi & sashimi, eggs over-medium, fresh berries of all kinds, and brie with fresh pears and raw honey! There goes my birthday party, too! Oh well, if anything I'm practicing patience and restraint, and I can always have cupcakes! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 Corinthians 4:17-18</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-8709224328280366472014-12-16T10:21:00.002-08:002014-12-16T10:21:55.333-08:00Let There Be Light<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All in all last week was a good one. My generous parents had my carpet cleaned for me - it's been so long I can't even remember the last time it was professionally done. Clean house, clean dogs and clean carpet for Christmas! It's so nice! I was able to do some shopping, a few dinners and breakfasts out, and even some yard work. Gus helped me with my Christmas tree and hung the house lights. Since I have to rest and focus on my health, I'll enjoy my home while I'm doing it!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chemo #8 December 15</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fourth treatment of Taxol out of 12 total. Gus was my chemo driver and partner, and I was really looking forward to introducing him to all my Filipino nurses! He got to see how the blood is drawn and the dressing is changed. We had a big lunch at the usual chemo day place, and were ready to start at 1:30.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had my choice of chairs because it wasn't very busy so I sat at the end of the room by the window. Ben was my nurse, and we had a good time with him. The chemo experience is different than I thought it would be. Partly because of the room layout; most of the chairs, except for the the four at the end of the room, are next to each other with lots of space and machines in between making it difficult to talk to your neighbors. Plus, I never recognize any other patients there. I have treatments every week and it seems like that isn't very common, I guess most people go every three weeks. And it's so quiet! Many people seem to want to sleep or read while they are getting their treatments, and I want to laugh! I made Gus play Heads Up with me, and not only were we laughing, but so were Ben and the woman across from me. We were playing that game when my oncologist came out to talk with me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He asked me how I was doing with treatments and I told him "great". He asked about the peripheral neuropathy, and he was surprised when I told him I haven't had any. Apparently as treatments progress I could develop this side effect but we shall have to wait and see. He reminded me that when chemo is finished I will start radiation and also begin taking Tamoxifen. I will take this drug because the type of breast cancer I had (past tense now, yay!) was hormone-receptor positive. Hormone-receptor positive breast cancers need estrogen and/or progesterone to grow, and tamoxifen blocks estrogen from attaching to the receptor. I will take Tamoxifen for at least five years and possibly up to ten, which will probably be a daily reminder that I've had breast cancer (and am beating it, too!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The doctor then patiently answered all my questions from my list... Me: Can I play tennis? Dr: (surprised) Do you FEEL like playing tennis? I haven't played tennis in awhile because of tendonitis. Let's wait until you are finished with chemo. Me: Can I go to the dentist? Volunteer? Drink wine? (not surprised, he said he knew I'd ask him that one haha) Dr: Let's wait. Me: What about this pain in my arm, like it's pulling? It seems to be getting worse. I'm trying to stretch it out and do arm weights. Dr: That is common after lymph nodes are removed. Keep stretching and lifting, it will help prevent lymphodema. Me: When am I DONE? Dr: Your last cycle is on January 26 (Gus and I were surprised and excited until we clarified that the four Taxol cycles are three weeks' long, which makes my last chemo on February 9, which is still a few weeks' earlier than I thought and my birthday week! I'm half way through my total ACT chemo!) One last question, something that has been bothering me as I've been doing more research. Was I really Stage III? The doctor said according to him, I was Stage IIB (none of us could remember why the previous oncologist said I was Stage III). He also said it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect my treatment. But to me it DOES matter, and you can bet I'll take Stage IIB over Stage III! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Benedryl kicked in while I was talking with my oncologist and made it difficult to think and speak. I'm glad Gus could translate for me because 50 mgs of Benedryl directly into my bloodstream just isn't pretty! After the doctor visit, we played a few more rounds of Heads Up before I just had to close my eyes. I seriously could not stay awake! We were finished at 4:00, an hour and a half for premeds and only an hour for the Taxol. I crashed as soon as I got home, took a three hour nap, got up for dinner and The Voice, and went to bed around 11. I was very fortunate to get more sleep this Monday night, although I woke up often I was able to fall back asleep and didn't wake up for good until 5:30 this morning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and in between is Christmas and New Years. Lots of light, both literally and figuratively! "My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!" Psalm 57:7</span><br />
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<br />Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-20747047689440497122014-12-09T08:55:00.000-08:002014-12-09T09:04:37.052-08:00Early Morning Thoughts from a Chemo Insomniac <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday was Chemo #7, and if I've slept an hour I'd be surprised.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Tuesday after Chemo #5 (November 25), the first Taxol treatment, I had enough energy for seven people. I didn't sleep much that Monday night so thought I'd be exhausted on Tuesday and take a nap. Nope. I had so many projects going, and stuff to do to get ready for my trip. Thanksgiving was fantastic! Being with my entire family is the joy of my life, and it was everything I had hoped it would be! I was still fighting the allergies, and even took cold meds for my symptoms. I rested more than I wanted, but I needed to. I wore my mask once, and drank "fine" (fake wine, and there's no point, it doesn't taste anything like wine unlike non-alcoholic beer, which tastes pretty good and closer to the real thing) with Thanksgiving dinner. Anyway, the long detour to Phoenix and the mega traffic back through Palm Springs was entirely worth the wonderful time I had with all my loves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chemo #6 went well on December 1, again with me taking myself to my blood draw and dressing change, and Sandy dropping me off at chemo and Mary bringing me a Miguel's burrito before taking me home. The Benedryl nearly put me out, and I thought maybe it was because I hadn't eaten, so I won't make that mistake again. First time I've ever eaten an entire bean, cheese and shredded beef burrito in one sitting! Came home and took a long nap, then couldn't sleep much that night.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mary took the picture and wouldn't get in it.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On Tuesday and Wednesday we had rain in Southern California for the first time in forever. People here get crazy when it rains, the excitement is all over facebook haha. I turned my fireplace on, lit my pumpkin candle and fixed hot mochas (and later grilled cheese and tomato soup!) for my friend Estelle and I. She brought me homemade quiche, apple pie, and a beautiful hand-knitted hat and gloves made with soft yarn she bought in Europe.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was very tired all week and didn't do a whole lot. On Thursday, Holly sent her housecleaner over to clean my house! Oh my, Maricela was a gem! My kitchen, bathrooms (including tubs/showers), and floors were spotless. She cleaned my blinds, changed my bed, and did my laundry. The house became dust-free and dog-hair free; even if just for a little while it looked and felt fantastic! I am so incredibly blessed by the generosity of the people God has placed in my life. Thank you so much Holly!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friday I had both dogs groomed so they wouldn't stink up the nice, clean house. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I normally bathe Kianne myself but haven't been up to it lately, she's big! I was blessed again when my parents came over, did my grocery shopping and we got my Christmas decorations down from the garage. We had Chinese take-out for dinner, and I remembered that I'm not supposed to have soy sauce (no soy of any kind) which changes everything about Chinese food! Saturday I decorated, and we had a lovely outing for really good mediterranean food and a trip to a couple of stores, thinking (correctly) that the late evening would be less crowded and I wouldn't need to wear a mask. Sunday I had a major allergy attack, and basically spent the day sneezing and blowing my nose, and yelling at the Chargers for letting the Patriots win.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now the sun is coming up on a quiet Tuesday morning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday, Chemo #7, I went to Kaiser for my usual pre-work, and then got the McDonald's double cheeseburger I'd been craving. I never eat McD's, but at least their cheeseburgers come without lettuce or tomato so I didn't feel like I was missing out. My friend and neighbor Debra took me to chemo and it was just like our coffee dates at Starbucks, except without the coffee and hipster tunes. I just love sharing the chemo experience with my friends and family! Again, I learned something new. When my nurse, Rowena, asked me how I felt the last two times after my new chemo, I told her about all my energy on the first Tuesday. She said it's the steroid in my infusion (dexamethasone) that causes it, as well as insomnia, for the first couple of days after treatment. Ah, I remember someone writing in a recent blog post about how important it is to understand one's disease and TREATMENT. During yesterday's chemo, the Benedryl got to me again, and while I was talking nonstop, I slurred my words in between yawns. Good thing I had a ride home!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I could have easily fallen asleep on the couch as soon as I walked in the door but I kept myself awake in the mistaken belief that maybe not taking a nap would help me to sleep through the night. HA! I couldn't go to sleep, maybe I took a cat nap, and turned my light on at 12:45 am so I could read. At 2:00 I finally just got up. I made some hot mocha, washed dishes, cleaned out some drawers and cupboards downstairs, shredded some stuff upstairs, and went up and down the stairs taking different things to different rooms to put away. The dogs followed me around the house for awhile, confused, and finally gave up and went back to bed where they currently remain. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Along with the double edged sword of energy and insomnia, I've got more bald spots but still have some nubs on my head. The main spot of dark-haired nubs on the back of my head has started hurting, maybe that means they are going to fall out soon? My fingernail beds are grossly discolored and definitely need to be covered with nail polish. The tips of my fingers are dry and peeling a bit. Sometimes I have no appetite, neither feeling hungry nor full, or I have a metal taste when eating, or maybe I don't really taste the food at all. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've started lifting three pound hand weights and am being careful as I feel a slight "pull" in my left arm that must be from the surgery. If I don't have an abundance of energy, I'm fatigued. But you know what? I'm taking advantage of my feel good time to get stuff done around the house that was left for me to do! I am enjoying my decorations and getting into the holiday spirit! I am spending time with family and good friends! I am focusing on my health and healing! So in the words of Solomon, "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." (Ecclesiastes 7:14) Plus, I know that since this is only temporary, "Better is the end of a thing than the beginning of it, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." (</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ecclesiastes 7:8)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You know what else? I can choose to be happy while I am patient! Life is good!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-66413702085761629552014-11-24T23:44:00.000-08:002014-11-24T23:44:54.124-08:00T is for Take That, Cancer!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today was Chemo #5.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been fighting something for the past week, pretty sure it's allergies but it got me down. The wind, and cleaning out the garage with all the dust, plus an interrupted sleep schedule and a compromised immune system equals problems. Prayed that I'd feel better today and that the results from today's blood test would be good enough for chemo.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My prayers were answered. Slept well last night, and felt better when I awoke. Sandy B. and her granddaughter were my escorts this morning. My weight on the scale was a few pounds less and my blood pressure was low. We did a recheck of the blood pressure but not the weight haha. I love taking someone with me to experience my blood draws and dressing changes. They are so interested in the procedures and ask great questions. Today Sandy asked the nurse what the "circle thing" was that she stuck to my chest where the catheter tube enters my skin. The nurse said it slowly releases antibiotics for seven days to prevent infection. Oh! So that's why I need a dressing change every seven days. Makes sense.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sandy treated us to a tasty breakfast at the usual place near Kaiser, then she dropped me off in time for my 1:00 chemo appointment. Today was a tag team effort. I read a magazine while Rowena prepped my pre-meds. Pre-meds included saline for hydration, Dexamethasone for nausea prevention and to inhibit allergic reactions, Benedryl to "make me drunk" (Rowena said since I can't drink alcohol on Thanksgiving, she would get me drunk today! Actually it was to relax me because I was getting a new drug and she wasn't sure how my body would react). Mary arrived at 2:00 with water and snacks, and got to witness the effects of the Benedryl. She and Rowena were laughing at me because I really couldn't speak, and I was laughing at myself as I tripped over my tongue and slurred my words!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Once I had all my pre-meds it was time for the real thing. The third part of my ACT regimen, Taxol. It comes from a plant and attacks the cancer cell when it tries to divide and replicate itself. Some good, very detailed information on Taxol can be found here </span><a href="http://chemocare.com/chemotherapy/drug-info/Paclitaxel.aspx#.VHQYV4vF9x0" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Taxol info</a>.<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Because it's a new drug being introduced to my body, Rowena spaced out the drip to give my body time to adjust. If I felt "different" or my face got flushed I was supposed to tell Rowena, but luckily I felt fine. Today's chemo session took four hours, and it will be the same next Monday. Then it should only be about an hour every Monday after that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A woman waiting for her dressing change came up to me and asked me if there was anything I could eat with my nausea. I was initially confused, because I haven't been nauseated. This poor woman said she is losing weight because she can't eat anything, nothing sounds or smells good, and she's having a hard time keeping food down. I told her that my anti-nausea meds have worked wonderfully, and she told us that she hasn't been taking her meds. Aha! I've been taking my meds as prescribed, on schedule, never waiting until I actually felt bad but instead taking preventive measures. Mary and I told her to take her meds on schedule, and then she said something that indicated that she didn't quite understand her meds and their instructions, but was going to ask the pharmacist. Thank goodness. I hope they straightened things out so she can eat. It's so important to understand all aspects of your illness, treatment and medications.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The bad news today - no wine with my Thanksgiving dinner. Rowena again made it clear that it's not good for me, so I will bring my non-alcoholic wine from World Market. Also, one of the main side effects is peripheral neuropathy (hands and feet tingle and go numb), which may get better by dunking my hands and feet in very cold water (what?). The good news is really good - nausea is not a main side effect from this drug. I still have my pills just in case I need them, but maybe I won't. And...Rowena said if I haven't lost my eyelashes and eyebrows by now, I most likely won't!!! I can tell that I 've lost some of each, but if I can keep the rest, woohoo!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On Thanksgiving I'm going to wear Gabby, mascara and a bit of eyebrow pencil. Looks like I'm gonna be the fancy one in the family!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good." Psalm 136:1 Happy Thanksgiving!</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-53297764182579846782014-11-17T17:37:00.001-08:002014-11-18T09:20:21.040-08:00Identity Crisis<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week I started feeling restless. Maybe because I finished the first four cycles of my chemo, or because I felt pretty good. Maybe I'm just getting comfortable with my routine of chemo, recovery, flushing weird body tubes, stomach shots, and being nearly bald. The reality of being in treatment hit again today when I discovered that energy level is a real thing. M</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">y little three hour outing tired me out! To Kaiser for my dressing change and to pick up two bags of flushing supplies, then to the 91 Express Lanes office, and finally to Stater's for a few groceries. Fast walking from my car to Oncology made me breathe so heavily that the receptionist made a comment to me. And walking to the car with my two large pharmacy bags completed the strenuous exercise I would do today (sorry dogs, no walk). Yesterday we braved Ontario Mills for about an hour and it was more than enough. I wore my mask on my doctor's orders ("Avoid crowds but if you can't, wear a mask"). Afterward my nap was longer than my outing! I guess for awhile my restless brain will have to accept my tired body.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Time (obviously) marches on. It's already been two and a half months since my surgery (almost fully healed) and I still have five or so months of treatments left. I can't help wondering what's next. At the moment I'm so excited for my entire family to be together for Thanksgiving! Family get-togethers are what I live for, and this will be one of the most special ones ever! There will be lots of firsts in one weekend. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll be starting my new chemo drugs on the 24th, and traveling on the 26th. My nurse said that will be my "low" day, but since I'm a car passenger, I'm not too concerned. In fact, I'm confident that I will feel fantastic the entire trip and able to enjoy every last moment!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Along with happy new memories to make, there are old memories to deal with. Being somewhere you didn't expect to be in midlife is both scary and exhilarating. Figuring out who I am now and what I want from the next phase of my life will help me determine where I'm going. My current identity consists of being a divorced, unemployed chemo patient diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. However, as my loved ones are good at reminding me, being a chemo patient is temporary. I may have to take chemo drugs for the next five to ten years, but I will no longer be a chemo patient with a bald head and a tube in my chest! Right now, living in the present moment, I must focus on being a (temporary!) chemo patient, meaning that I must put all my energy toward healing and staying healthy. And once I'm finished with my treatment, I believe the rest will fall into place. I'll be able to pursue job opportunities and will feel confident to start something new. I'll move forward with plans for the future because I'll be spending this "down time" cleaning up my past (note to self: do not look at family photo albums or shred 30 years of tax documents while listening to The Fray). My life may not be proceeding according to my plan or at the pace I'd like it to, but at least it's proceeding! And I know that God has good things in the works for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The only thing that won't change is the fact that I had breast cancer. But "had" will be the operative word, and I will not let it be my identity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Patience! "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Faith! "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Identity! "For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:26</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-5478178987518296102014-11-12T09:53:00.000-08:002014-11-12T09:53:03.810-08:00You Can Take Care of Yourself AND Enjoy Life<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Gabby and I went to our first event, and Gus accompanied us. We joined Chris and Holly at our dear family friends' wedding. Jeremy and Emily were married in a lovely and very personal ceremony on Saturday afternoon in San Clemente. The reception was super fun, with a delicious dinner, sweet and funny toasts, and as much dancing as I could handle (always love that cupid shuffle!). So blessed to be able to share in the Wise family's special day!</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Holly, Gabby and I whooping it up!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sunday was a recovery day. Happily I made it to church, though, and after hugging seven people without asking anyone if they were sick, I plopped myself down next to my two bodyguards, Penny and Sandy B., and they took care of me during the rest of the service! Several people told me that they pray for me daily, Shelly bought me a cute and yummy sugar cookie, Sylvia reminded me that the girls have my upcoming bunco food handled, Sandy got herself scheduled for my next chemo day, and Louise booked herself to bring me a meal. I think my church family is awesome!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Home for the rest of the day for football and Louise's homemade tortilla soup. She brought all the fixins to go with it, along with a chocolate silk pie and some pumpkiny goodies. So sweet of her! Made me feel better after the Giants loss.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Monday November 10, Chemo #4. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Holly picked me up and dropped off everything for a carne asada dinner! What a nice surprise! Plus homemade banana bread and a Starbucks PSL. Off to Kaiser for my blood draw and dressing change with Cora. My friends and family find the blood draw through Pixie, my catheter, facinating. Had omelets for brunch, then back to Kaiser for t</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">he last of the first chemo regimen! The AC part of the ACT is done! No more red devil! Woohoo!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rowena was my nurse for the first time. All my nurses have been great, but she's my new favorite. She was really funny and fun, and also very informative, explaining all kinds of things about my treatment and how I need to take care of myself and how we are a team to get me well. Of course we had Kimmy with us, but the funny thing is, Holly and I never even looked in her! We didn't read one magazine, or play one game, we just enjoyed talking the entire time! And the two and a half hours flew by!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgan63-LkQdyF4c9iHX8b6H-ku3npKLA4V3NPiLvO0H08SXQS-DuNBRwGffSxda8lqkLTnwAYL4Km0wA29y57h34Oq6e-5esvhUm8SVrpm6oyav2fDAr9dFe2YLaf32eYkrucrVEb4u3jU/s1600/photo-10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgan63-LkQdyF4c9iHX8b6H-ku3npKLA4V3NPiLvO0H08SXQS-DuNBRwGffSxda8lqkLTnwAYL4Km0wA29y57h34Oq6e-5esvhUm8SVrpm6oyav2fDAr9dFe2YLaf32eYkrucrVEb4u3jU/s320/photo-10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Holly and I at Kaiser, a bit more subdued!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now for some advice for you women, and the women in your life (and any human actually). The healthier you are, the better. I feel like I was reasonably healthy going into this cancer thing. Sure I could have been healthier, I could have been in better shape, but I was not a couch potato and I ate a balanced, nutritious diet. And I believe it has helped. Walking is fantastic exercise, and brisk walking is best for cardio. I enjoy getting outside to do it, but if you like a treadmill, do that! If you have a gym membership, use it! If you don't, dance around the house! Take the stairs! Anything you can do to add activity to your lifestyle. We also need to stretch our bodies (do yoga or just stretch) and build our strength (arm weights, a full workout or on the couch while watching tv). A healthy lifestyle may reduce your chances of getting breast cancer, and if you do get it, I believe you will handle it better.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Next, know your breast cancer risk. Learn about your family history, and also keep in mind that while family history is important, it isn't always an indicator (as I discovered). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Know your normal. Familiarize yourself with what your breasts are like and pay attention to any signs of change. Look at yourself in the mirror, do regular self exams. And if you have any gut feelings that something isn't right, pay attention to your intuition and don't wait to have it checked out. I have dense breast tissue which makes it difficult to see in a normal mammogram. I had an ultrasound back in 2012 because they thought they saw something and they ended up clearing me. Then last year there was no additional screening recommended beyond my regular mammogram, even though I showed them my ultrasound films. But my surgeon said I had the tumor for five years! Maybe I should have insisted on a second mammo or ultrasound. I also noticed a change in my nipple early this past spring. I knew it was a change, but I didn't have health insurance at the time. I did bring it up to my primary doctor, who wasn't concerned, saying breast changes during menopause were common. After I was diagnosed, I asked my surgeon about it, and he said it could have been an indicator of the breast cancer or maybe not. But at least it was something to pay attention to.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Know when to get screened. You should start clinical breast exams at age 20, and mammograms at 40. If you have family history, tell your doctor. You need to know who had breast cancer, how old they were when diagnosed, and their age if they died from it. If you have a family history, ask your doctor when you should start having mammograms, and if you don't like the answer and want one, insist upon it. Early detection is key to fighting this disease if you get it, and I pray that none of you will.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For me, for now, through everything, life is good.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-72491236867773132362014-11-08T13:05:00.000-08:002014-11-08T13:05:05.212-08:00Side Effects are Overrated<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well chemo cycle #3 was the opposite of #2. I was really tired the first week, and had an abundance of energy the second week. I took advantage of it, too! I met various friends for coffee (Debra!), breakfast (Jessy!) and lunch (Shineah and Charles with Gus!). Two other friends brought me delicious home-cooked dinners (Claudia with a short visit and Mary with a long one!). I did some projects around the house, and took myself out for a couple long days of shopping, a mani-pedi, and errands (including voting). I had a GREAT week, and paid for it yesterday with a headache and needing a nap. Totally worth it!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Gus and I were talking about how well I'm doing. After the chemo orientation, learning about all the possible side effects and becoming overwhelmed by everything, all we could wonder was what would happen to me and when. I have indeed experienced side effects, but they have been surprisingly mild compared to what they could be. I've only been nauseated a few times and have never lost it. Sometimes my taste buds don't seem to work but that hasn't impacted my ability to eat, even when I can't tell if I'm hungry or full. My stomach issue has been cured with prune juice, and heartburn with over-the-counter antacids. I have never had bone pain with the stomach shots, and if I remember not to drink a lot in the evening, I won't wake up to use the bathroom more than a few times instead of three or four. Yes I'm tired. But that's just a reminder of how hard my body is working in conjunction with the chemo to make sure that the cancer is wiped out completely. It's hard to know if the headaches are treatment-related, weather-related, or menopause-related. I've only had a few mouth sores that weren't even that bad, and have fought off a few cold sores. My nail beds on both my fingers and toes are discolored, but I took care of that with a few coats of nail polish! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then there's the hair loss. Surprised it's taking so long, but every day I notice a little bit more bald than stubs on my head. No more need to shave as the hair on my legs and underarms is not growing back. So far I still have eyebrows and eyelashes, but must have lost some nose hair because my nose is running a lot haha!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I so appreciate the cards I get in the mail, the personal texts checking in to see how I'm doing, and the phone calls to chat. My friends and family who understand how isolating it is to be home alone have made this journey so much easier. The thoughtful acts mean a lot, like Sherri doing my grocery shopping, Sylvia dropping off a card with a little book called "God is Always Watching Over You", Jen bringing Starbucks, my parents with their generous Costco deliveries, and just everything Gus does for me. The gracious gifts are nice, too. Sweet Jessy brought me back some special things from "St. Lebanon". And Gus's nephew and niece, Nick and Jessica, sent over two cute hats. Yesterday mom gave me a cute necklace that says "Love" and the "L" is shaped like a pink ribbon. And I got the best homemade bracelet in the mail from Allie that says "God gave me you".</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blessed to be feeling well as I head into chemo #4 on Monday, and immensely grateful to God for giving me all the wonderful people in my life!</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-69455492666240195772014-10-29T11:01:00.000-07:002014-10-29T11:01:55.156-07:00Chemo Realities<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week the fatigue set in. I don't even know what I did all week, I was so tired. Wondered what was wrong with me and discovered it's the chemo. I thought that since the first cycle went so well, all subsequent cycles would be the same! Ha! Apparently it gets harder, not easier! Great.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I got some nice gifts in the mail, cute beanies from Shineah (who sweetly thought of me on her trip to Oregon!) and Pat (who is going through her own struggles and thought of me). And I had a lovely visit from my old, dear friend Teresa. She brought lunch, and some herbal tea, and a beautiful royal purple blanket. It is literally the softest blanket I've ever felt, and she told me that whenever I use it, think of it as a hug from her. Ahhhh. So thoughtful. I immediately decided to use it during chemo, it's chilly in the chemo room and the blankets are ugly, standard hospital issue. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The weekend was mellow with a few surprises. A drive down to Encinitas and Del Mar, ending in football, pizza and beer. Yes, I found a good non-alcoholic brew, St. Pauli Girl NA! I was so happy! A few errands, and a delicious dinner with new friends at a beautiful home in Dana Point. Nothing too strenuous.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And Monday, October 27 was Chemo #3.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was running late because I decided to walk the dogs and take a shower with "hair" washing. For the first time my bandage did not get wet at all! There were lots of little hairs in the drain, it's all coming out slowly but surely. Penny picked me up and did a chore for me that I had been meaning to do for several weeks. It took her a couple of minutes!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kaiser was running later than I was, eventually Rafi did my dressing change and blood draw. She put on a new kind of dressing, it's clear and pretty cool. The other bandage was starting to cause a rash. After that, Penny took me to lunch and I got fortified with catfish, french fries and cole slaw. She brought me a sweet gift from Edie, my pastor's wife, a cute white cap with a rhinestone pink ribbon on it and a nice journal. We were late getting back from lunch but they still didn't have the results from my blood work so we had to wait.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally got a chair and we settled in with all of our stuff. Kimmy, another bag, our big purses, drinks. We looked like we were staying awhile! I was now wearing the beanie Penny picked out from the basket of beanies in the front office. I would not have dug through that basket but Penny did, and found the cutest hat! I don't know who made it but I'm grateful to the mystery donor.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My blanket (and hug from Teresa) was so cozy I almost didn't notice the Red Devil push. Penny worked on a word search and I played a few rounds of Red Herring. Then we played a few rounds of Scattergories. A nurse walked by and said, "Are you really going to play that with chemo brain?" We did, and I think my chemo brain rubbed off on Penny!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then Penny decided to champion a cause. "Why aren't there tv's in here? They should serve lunch! Massage chairs! With headphones like on an airplane!" She asked the patient across from me if he agreed and he said yes. She asked him how often he had treatments and he said every six weeks. She told him he needed to come back next week to support our cause so that's what he told his nurse! That's my Penny, causing trouble haha!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't get a headache or sinus pain with the second drug but I did get lightheaded again so I got more saline before we left. It was a long day. There was a woman there earlier who seemed to be struggling with pain. As Penny was covering her up with blankets, she told us that her mother brought her but left because it takes too long. I felt sad for her and grateful for Penny. No matter how long the day was, she stuck it out with me and helped me through it with smiles and laughter!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday I didn't feel as well as I did the weeks' before. I guess each time will be different. My parents came over with cheerful fall-colored flowers, a pumpkin, and some groceries. They did some chores and cooked a delicioso Mexican dinner. I took a long nap, we had a nice visit and watched NCIS. Now if only I could sleep without getting up three (or four?) times because of all the fluid I need to drink! Oh well, that's what naps are for!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have my twice-a-day flushing routine down, and my shots start again tonight. I will be honest and tell you that this past weekend, before chemo #3, I was already over it. I haven't even lost all my hair yet. When I told Gus, he asked me, "Over what?" I said tearfully, "Everything!"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today I accept that I am being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that I may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully give thanks to the Father. (Colossians 1:11-12)</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-63627461650436696532014-10-20T12:04:00.000-07:002014-10-20T12:04:21.690-07:00Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Pardon the pun, I couldn't resist.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Saturday, October 18, I got my crying out of the way early. Before Sherri came over with her electric razor, I looked in the mirror, brushed my hair, and told myself between sobs, "This is the last time I will brush my hair for a long time." Then I said, "Ow," because the brushing hurt! I took all of my hair products and tools and put them away. And that was that.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wondered if there was a chance that my packages would arrive from Hats for You and The Breast Cancer Site. Earlier in the week I had ordered some scarves, a little cap to wear to bed, and some breast cancer merch. Well God sent me a sign that He was watching over me on hair shaving day because both packages arrived. Those tears were happy tears!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When Sherri came over in the late afternoon, I took an anti-nausea pill because I was a bit anxious, and some Tylenol in case the shaving would make my scalp hurt. We talked for a bit, and then we were ready. We went out to the backyard, I sat on a stool, Sherri plugged in the razor and asked, "What do I do? I've never done this before!" Well, I decided that prayer might help, because prayer always helps! So I prayed and we shared a few tears and then felt calm enough to proceed.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sherri shaved and we talked and there were no more tears. Maddie watched me with those cocker spaniel eyes because she knows all about the razor! I looked down on the ground at my hair and almost felt more bummed at the amount of grey I saw instead of the amount of hair! We finished shaving upstairs in my bathroom, using the number zero setting. Andy told us that to get my head completely bald we'd have to use a razor and shaving cream, but I remembered that they don't even want you to shave anything with a razor and shaving cream because they don't want any chance of nicks. So I had to make do with a VERY short buzz cut! As I had hair all over my neck, I covered my catheter with a towel and stuck my head in the shower while my sweet and brave friend washed my nubs. We then pulled out all my hats and scarves and I tried them on and took pictures. I sent a photo of my new look, without a hat or scarf, to the girls and Gus, and they all responded with positive and supportive comments. Of course! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am so proud of my friend Sherri and grateful for her. The intimacy created by the entire experience is one that I don't think either of us will ever forget! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had more energy yesterday, and was able to enjoy a breakfast outing, a short dog walk, and lots of football. I wore my NY Giants cap all day, and then went bare at night. I really like to wear hats anyway, and now I can wear whatever I want whenever I want! I feel like I'm already used to the new "do", although it's weird to feel air instead of hair! Haha! I guess the tiny, remaining hairs will fall out soon enough, and then I'll have to get used to being completely bald.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today is a trip to Kaiser for a dressing change and my last stomach shot in this series. I am looking forward to a visit from a good friend. And no matter what I look like on the outside, and what's going on with my body on the inside, I praise God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made! (Today's devotion verse, from Psalm 139:14)</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-81902970551480731222014-10-18T13:45:00.001-07:002014-10-18T13:45:06.089-07:00Afternoon Thoughts From a Chemo Foggy Patient<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's always hard after being with my kids. Readjusting to a quiet house, all my bathroom supplies have been restored to my bathroom and life goes back to normal. Well, now it's the new normal. Although everyone is reminding me that it's temporary, to which I say temporary is relative. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These past few days have been more challenging than the first days after chemo #2. There was no magic pill I could take to ward off the physical and emotional results of both the chemo and some unexpected news that hurt my heart. I love my daughters so much, and wish they didn't have to deal with what they're dealing with. Because my energy is already lacking, I now feel completely zapped. Holly asked me what the hardest thing about this is, and as much as I whine about not having wine, I told her it's the fatigue. I don't even feel like walking my dogs, and I don't even feel like myself.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night Holly picked me up and took me to Bunco. It was nice to get out, good to see everyone and have some fun, but man, rolling those dice really tired me out. My sweet friend Sandy gave me a Brighton breast cancer keychain, a heart that says "hope, faith, LOVE". Ahh.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Holly brought me a wonderful homecooked meal that I can't wait to eat later. Lasagne, one of my very favorites, and a chocolate pie! My taste buds better be working! And to top it off, she gave me my shot. A good friend is someone who is as good with a spatula as she is with a needle! Haha! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've gotten used to flushing my catheter but not taping it up for the shower. I am handling my stomach shots, as long as I don't have to shoot myself. I am eating despite the changing taste buds, and staying hydrated with water, coffee and Gatorade. And I am shedding as much as Kianne.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My hair is not coming out in clumps, which is fortunate. I have that "when you pet a dog that is shedding" scenario. I've been unable to style the cute pixie I got on Monday night because the hair sticks to my hands before falling to the counter. Everywhere I go my hair follows me. It was hard to sleep last night because my scalp hurt on the pillow. I read that once your hair is gone, your scalp won't hurt. Rather than go through another hair washing/drain cleaning/scalp hurting day, today will be Hair Shaving Day. And probably Cry My Eyes Out Day as well.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Somehow I forgot to mention some good news from the meeting with my new oncologist on Monday. My logical Erika wanted to know my status. I've been saying that I was diagnosed with Stage 3 IDC breast cancer. But do I still HAVE cancer? Didn't they take it out with my lumpectomy and those two lymph nodes? My oncologist said yes! I am currently IN REMISSION, as far as we know, and in treatment to kill off anything we can't see and prevent anything else. Now that's a status! Woohoo!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Erika has a beautifully simple tattoo on her arm that says "grace". Grace is the "free and unmerited favor of God". I'll take that one step further, because I continue to be amazed and blessed by the favor of the family and friends who are building me up when I am weak. It takes effort to be an encouragement for someone, and so many of the individuals on my "support team" are going through so much themselves. God's grace is flowing to me through these loving friends and family. I know they are seeking Him and following Him. For them, there is no such thing as "out of sight, out of mind", for their minds are on higher things, and more than themselves. One of my favorite quotes is, "The clueless do not know they are clueless." Even though it's not scriptural, it's a good explanation when comprehension of certain actions is difficult to impossible.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." My sincere love and thanks to the humble, GRACEFUL people in my life!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-66104786647538551082014-10-15T14:14:00.001-07:002014-10-15T14:39:12.130-07:00Feeling Good, and Loved, and Blessed<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friday, October 10, I had another follow-up appointment with my surgeon. I continue to heal well, and will just have to wait, for months perhaps, for the hematoma to disappear. Dad joined me for my dressing change and the rest of my stitches removal from the Broviac. It stung a bit so was nice to be able to squeeze his hand. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had something to eat and made a Costco run, and I felt great! I had a three day window of feeling good, with decent blood counts, and planned to enjoy it!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Walked the dogs on our usual walk and I wasn't too tired! Had a fabulous dinner out with G, ate calamari and lobster ravioli! Made a Target run for a few things. A really nice day! I did experience some signs of chemo foggy brain, both times when I was ordering food. I seriously couldn't decide what to order. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Saturday and another long/usual dog walk, Bible reading, cleaning and prepping for my daughter's arrival. And I noticed that my hair was starting to fall out. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Erika came to see me! She's on fall break at her school, and came to visit and take care of me! G and I picked her up at Long Beach airport, then he took us out for a delicious Thai dinner. He even let us borrow a car so Erika could drive me to chemo since she can't drive my stick BMW. So nice of him! At the restaurant, Erika made me close my eyes and put out my hands for the present-giving tradition. She gave me a dog shaming calendar for my daily lol - have you seen dog shaming? If not, you MUST look it up on YouTube. So funny! - and an awesome Book of Lists for me to fill out (she knows me so well, it's perfect!). Erika and I stayed up late talking on Saturday night and slept in on Sunday, then had a lovely afternoon outing. We started at In-n-Out, where I had a cheeseburger with grilled onions and no lettuce or tomato. Then off to Dos Lagos to a few stores, including Trader Joe's for some tasty goodies, and Starbucks on the way home. The rest of the day was spent eating cheese and bread, watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, topped off with pumpkin pie and hot apple cider with whipped cream. So nice!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Monday the 13th was Chemo #2. We had a good breakfast of coffee, cheese and bread, then pumpkin oatmeal and pumpkin biscotti from Trader Joe's while watching a few more Gilmore Girls. Erika packed Kimmy and our cooler full of cold stuff, and then drove us to Kaiser. It was a busy day - luckily when we checked in at the kiosk, it printed out my itinery (that's literally what it was called haha). I had my blood draw at 1:00, which I think Erika found facinating since it's done through my Broviac. Then we met my new oncologist, who we liked very much. He was very patient with my list of many questions! I won't need to see him again for two months, but I can call with questions anytime! He did want me to get a flu AND a pneumonia vaccine, so that happened, too. Then we met with the oncology social worker, who pretty much told me everything I already knew, but that's her job. And after breaking into our snacks a bit early, it was time for chemo.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My nurse was Corazon, and just like the first time, she started me with a saline drip and five anti-nausea pills. Then an anti-nausea drip, then flushing and The Red Devil. Erika was intrigued by the color of it, which is actually kind of weird. Then the bag of my second chemo drug, and I was fortunate again not to have any sinus pain or headache. I did feel a bit woozy when it was done so Cora gave me more saline while Erika and I continued to play games. We played a really fun catagory game on her phone called Red Herring, and tried our best with several rounds of Scattergories. Being that I have chemo foggy brain I had an excuse for several sketchy answers. Erika on the other hand...hahaha.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We stopped at Chipotle for a quick dinner. I didn't think what I ordered would be too spicy but apparently I still need to get the after chemo dinner thing down. It did end up giving me heartburn all night and all day Tuesday. Then on to my scheduled/cancelled/rescheduled hair appointment.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had reached out to Tamra, an old friend who owns Studio 700 in Corona, a few weeks ago to find out if she would shave my head when it was time. Christie and Erika thought I should cut it short, and Tamra said whatever I wanted to do in order to take charge would be fine with her, although she liked the cutting it short idea, too. So that's what we did. A cute Emma Watson pixie, shorter than I've ever had my hair, that gives me a good idea of what I'll have when my hair starts growing back. She spent a lot of time on me, because that's who she is and what she does, even though my hair is falling out. She also gifted me with a cute hat, handmade for me with Penn State colors by a friend of hers who makes hats for chemo patients. So thoughtful. And I didn't cry, except when she told me that she couldn't charge someone whose hair would be coming out in the next few days! She was so sweet and such a blessing, even making me promise to come see her when my hair starts growing back so she can give what little I'll have a bit of shape! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was great to have Erika with me when I got my hair cut, and we went home after our long day for pie, cider, master's homework and Gilmore Girls.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tuesday was a rest day, with lots of good food prepared by Erika (such a delicious lunch of grilled cheese, tomato soup and Trader Joe's pickles!). And of course our Gilmore Girls marathon! She helped me pick out a few scarves which I ordered online, and we talked and laughed and enjoyed our time together until it was time for her to leave. Of course that's when my tears fell because I started missing her before she even left! But how happy and blessed I was by her short, sweet visit. She was an attentive and wonderful caregiver. She got to spend an hour with her grandparents when they took her to the airport while I stayed home to be weepy.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I felt pretty good yesterday, except for the heartburn, making sure to stay on schedule with my nausea meds. These meds are working great! Today, Wednesday, I still feel good, except for the anticipation of starting the stomach injections again tonight. Six in a row. Ugh. My parents spent the night last night, and went grocery shopping and did a few chores for me this morning before they left. More blessings! And no doctor appointments this week! Weee! Even though my hair is falling out on my laptop right now, Life is Good!</span><br />
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Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-36077251433720486072014-10-09T15:13:00.000-07:002014-10-09T15:13:37.413-07:00The Difference a Week Makes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What a week.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My health, both physically and emotionally, has been up and down. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Saturday my close friend Christie made me get out of the house for something other than a doctor appointment. She picked me up and took me out for a pedicure, and then we took a short trip to the mall. I hadn't really wanted to go - when you are feeling down leaving the house is such an effort. But I'm so thankful for her persistence, I had a great time with her and appreciate not having to do my own toes!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The rest of the day was hard with some mail that I received and emotions that were unexpected and finally the Big Cry on Saturday night. It didn't even feel good to finally have the Big Cry, just tiring.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sunday I was down, had my last stomach shot, but at least my Giants won. Monday was my lowest point to date. I had to go to Kaiser for unexpected blood work to see how the Neupogen shots were doing, I felt tired, and several things happened to put me over the emotional edge. Another Big Cry along with a Big Prayer.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tuesday I got a call from Kaiser saying that the shots hadn't worked as well as they'd hoped and I'd need to do one more. From now on, six shots after each chemo. I pulled my lab results and saw that my neutrophils and lymphocytes counts were low. Didn't know I had so many different kinds of white blood cells and that they are so important. I had a little headache that got better while visiting with my good friend and neighbor Sherri. Then I had a visit from a dear woman who just came back into my life from many years ago when our kids were in elementary school and Girl Scouts together. Claudia shared her testimony with me, encouraged me, prayed over me, and left me with a home-cooked meal. Such a blessing. The events of the weekend and Monday were worked out, and I went to sleep, even after another shot, with some peace in my heart.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wednesday I woke up with another headache but thought it would get better with a nice dog walk around the neighborhood. I now wear gloves on our walks in case I accidentally miss the bag when I'm picking up the poop. It was a cooler morning, and we didn't go that fast, but when we got home I was spent. My headache was bad and I felt exhausted and even a bit queasy. I put Darlene on notice that it might not be a good day for a visit and I took Tylenol and rested for awhile until I felt a little better. Supposedly days 7 through 10 after chemo are when I am at my highest risk of infection because they are the lowest days for my white blood counts. They must be my most exhausting days, too. It's so strange to think that I was a reasonably healthy person and now can't even walk around the neighborhood like I used to.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I gave Darlene the ok to come over and she arrived with lots of treats - a PSL (if you don't know what that is, it's the most delicious sign of fall there is! Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks!!), some pumpkin biscotti and a pumpkin Greek yogurt from Trader Joes, and a deliciously scented gift from The Body Shop. So very thoughtful! We had a nice chat, and after she left, Penny dropped by with my hats. I tried them all on - SO CUTE! Of course they look different now than they will when I'm bald, but that doesn't change the fact that they are cute! I am grateful for all of these thoughtful, generous, caring friends.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was really tired yesterday and ready for an early bedtime. I called Maddie onto my bed and was giving her a nice scratching when I discovered something on her head...A TICK! Well so much for an early bedtime. I put flea and tick meds on the dogs (with gloves), washed my sheets, comforter, and the dog bed covers, put their beds outside, vacuumed my room, and checked both dogs (with gloves) for ticks. Thank goodness I didn't find any more, and the one I did find hadn't yet started feasting on Maddie. Ay.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today my shower tape was a fail. It's just not sticking well on my neck. My medical appointment was at the Corona Kaiser with a new gynocologist to check on the fibroid that was found with my CT scan. Nothing to worry about unless it bothers me. My pregnancy test was negative hahahahaha! (In case I was to have a biopsy of the fibroid, I had to pee in the cup.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I came home, called a friend, and then opened my daily devotional that I'm supposed to read first thing in the morning. Let me tell you that it was like a cup of cold water thrown in my face! I laughed and then cried. I called the friend I had just spoken with and shared it with her. She was amazed! I was both humbled and strengthened. It began with, "You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent," and ended with, "As you open up to Me, I will put My thoughts in your mind and My song in your heart."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The corresponding scripture is from Jeremiah 35:25, "I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." I praise God today for this truth in my life.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-53314212900184368262014-10-03T13:12:00.000-07:002014-10-03T13:12:10.132-07:00Mini Meltdown<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just a quick post to let you know that I do have my moments.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Monday night after my first chemo was a little rough. I probably shouldn't have had KFC for dinner, and maybe the garlic fries for lunch weren't such a good idea either. Oops. I am so grateful that the anti-nausea meds have worked great but I did experience heartburn and headache all night and on Tuesday. I am able to take Tums so I popped those suckers, and now I am more careful about what I eat. No spicy or greasy. My bff and I made fish and rice on Tuesday night, and I made a creamy chicken, mushroom pasta dish on Wednesday. Much better. But I whined while I was cooking because I couldn't have wine. Sometimes I like to have a glass of wine while I cook a nice meal, and I was feeling sorry for myself that I won't be able to do that for MONTHS.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My second shower incident went much more smoothly. The Press'n Seal that my bff bought me worked SO MUCH better than regular plastic wrap. I still had to blow dry my bandage but it didn't get nearly as wet. No mad tears this time.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My wonderful parents were here doing projects around the house and in the yard. I felt a bit slow, but generally pretty darn good. But sometimes a bit grumpy. And then it was time for the first self-injection.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had a fit. I didn't want to do it. I removed a syringe from the fridge a half hour before injection so it could come to room temperature, and I took some Tylenol. I had asked four people if they would give me the shot, and all said they would. I had back-ups for the back-ups. My bff was first in line, and asked me, "Are you ready?" I proceeded to burst into tears! Just the idea of an injection in the stomach made me cry. It was quick, and didn't really hurt until afterward. I was not expecting my reaction.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday, Injection #2. Same prep, same outcome. I started crying before anything even happened. This time the shot hurt going in. My bff felt really bad. I felt really bad. The whining started. "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have 18 more shots in the stomach to go! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I haven't even had the Broviac for a week and I have to flush this stupid thing twice a day until it comes out in MARCH! I have to put this wrap on my chest every time I want to shower...until MARCH! Pretty soon I'll be BALD!!!!!" Yeah, it went from bad to worse. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today is a new day. I figured out how much tape to use on the Press'n Seal and my dressing stayed dry in the shower. I have not needed to take anti-nausea meds today. I feel good enough to drive myself to Kaiser for my dressing change. Verse for today, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances..." (1 Thess 5:16-18)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-46665369043293851762014-10-02T14:15:00.000-07:002014-10-15T14:18:21.738-07:00Kool-Aid and Kimmy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friday night after the Broviac was inserted I didn't feel like doing much but I really wanted to get the weekend started! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had SUCH a fantastic Saturday, and it will be one of my favorite memories going forward with this. I spent the entire day with my bff, doing everything (well, eating and drinking everything) I enjoy. I got my eggs Benedict for breakfast, then we took a drive through Santiago Canyon where we stopped for wine tasting at Giracci Vineyards, then margaritas and ceviche at Rose Canyon Cantina and Grill, and finally sushi and beer at Wasabi. I was also gifted with a new outfit to wear on my first day of chemo (just discovered the comfort of leggings!) and some satin pillowcases for my soon-to-be bald head. It was a wonderful day!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sunday was church and resting and football. Got to have one last outing to TGI Fridays for football and beer! It was another good day until THE SHOWER. I had to wait 48 hours after the Broviac, so Sunday night I fought with the plastic wrap and water-proof tape to cover half of my chest. It was a comedy of errors that made me cry. A mad cry, though, because it was so frustrating. I really needed to wash my hair but I was worried about any water leaking into my dressing. I ended up having to blow dry my hair AND my dressing but it didn't get too wet. I guess the positive spin is that hair washing will cease in a week or two so my showers will be shorter and there will be less chance for the dressing to get wet.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Monday September 29, first day of chemo. My friend Penny picked me up around 8:30 and took me to breakfast. I really enjoyed my french toast, fried eggs, bacon, sausage and coffee! Then off to Kaiser for my 10:15 check-in. I got a chair at 10:45. While waiting for them to make my drugs (it's more like In-N-Out than McDonald's, they make your drugs fresh for you!) I got to look through the HUGE chemo bag that Penny put together for me. She had lots of assorted magazines, word searches, card games, and a ton of candy that she put cute little play-on-words notes on to make me smile! Such a thoughtful gift! Penny said we had to rename the chemo bag, so it is now called "Kimmy". </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I got a saline drip first and took five anti-nausea pills. My nurse, Thelma, asked me if I was related to the radiology tech Poblete haha. The Red Devil was first. Doxorubicin, brand name Adriamycin. Thelma had three large syringes that she pushed into my central line one at a time. The drug really is red, like Kool-Aid, and Kool-Aid is a happy thing, right? It took about 15 minutes. After that, the chemo pharmacist came over to explain the procedure I would be doing at home. Oh great, another procedure. I've already got the flushing thing down, so now what? Oh, just a little self-injection. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Um, no.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because of the super drug combo of the first four chemo cycles, my white blood counts will apparently drop significantly between seven and ten days after chemo. I need injections of Neupogen for five consecutive days starting two days after chemo, and they should be given before bedtime because they cause bone pain. Great. The pharmacist attempted to show us how to squeeze the stomach where the injection would be given but he didn't have enough fat on him. Penny and I gave him a hard time about that. Thelma gave us a how-to video to watch and I waited until later to watch it. More creepiness and it isn't even Halloween. Ugh.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Next up, the Cyclophosphamide. This drug was in a bag and would take about a half hour to enter my body. I was told that if I got sinus pain or pressure, or developed a headache that they would slow it down to an hour, but I was fine. In between the two chemo drugs there was more flushing (why so much flushing?), and instructions from Thelma on nutrition and such. She told me I might lose my hair. I MIGHT? Everyone has told me I will for sure! "Ok," she said, "You WILL lose your hair. I didn't want to keep giving you bad news." Haha, thanks Thelma.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was a pretty woman sitting next to me wearing a darling fedora/scarf combo. Penny asked her about it, and then proceeded to get busy on a hat website. We found three hats, all different, and Penny ordered them all for me! I was going to let her get me one but she's so bossy haha. So very kind of her.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think we left around 3:00. The whole thing went by pretty quickly, probably because we were the loudest ones in there. We played bible trivia cards, and not very well either, even though they were the version for kids! We ate chocolate, and gave the nurses and pharmacist a hard time ("There's a kink in my line? Thelma is already trying to kill me!!") We had to stop at the pharmacy to get my Neupogen (ugh) and then decided that ice cream was definitely needed. At Farrell's we shared a french dip and ate our own sundaes, and joked and laughed with the hilariously enertaining servers. After a long, full day, Penny took me home and reminded me that she would drive over before bedtime to give me my shot if I needed her to. Now that's a good friend! She spoiled me rotten, and made my first day of chemo as good as it could be.</span><br />
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Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-40327326859848659152014-09-30T17:20:00.000-07:002014-09-30T17:20:20.921-07:00Broviac or Bust<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm already behind because things just happen too fast.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thursday night was the first time I really cried. I really did not want to have this tube placed into my body, and I fell asleep with my hand on my chest. Friday, September 26th, I had my Broviac tunneled central venous catheter placed into the right side of my chest. My radiology tech's name was Poblete, so we instantly bonded and he helped lighten the mood.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The nurse explained the procedure. I would have a local anesthesia and the radiologist would insert the Broviac under the skin into the jugular vein. The jugular vein? Yikes! I didn't wear any mascara because I felt I was going to have some tears, and I was right. As I was laying on the table I had tears going down the sides of my face. The tech asked me if I was crying and I said, "No! I have allergies." I then told him that this was the first time I cried, and he told me not to worry, they would help me beat my disease. I told him that wasn't why I was crying! It was because I didn't want the Broviac! It's creepy imaging something in your chest and hanging off of it! He laughed. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We were waiting for the doctor, so I took advantage of my new relationship with my tech and asked if he wanted to pray with me or if I should pray by myself. He came over to me and said he would pray, he held my hand and put his other hand on my shoulder and said the most beautiful prayer that instantly calmed me down. I was then ready when the doctor started the procedure. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's weird when you are awake for something like this. You listen to your medical team's conversation and it has nothing to do with your very delicate and important procedure! My head was turned to the side and the doc kept pushing his arm down on my nose so it was hard to breathe. I prayed the whole time and still remained calm. Then he was finished! At least my new fashion accessory is a pretty purple color. The nurse dressed my catheter area, I got dressed and was released at 3:30. My neck was a bit sore and stiff. I had an appointment at 5:30 to go over Broviac care, so I would be able to make my "hair system" appointment at 4:15.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was so fortunate that my neighbor and good friend Sherri was able to drive me around and hang out with me all afternoon. I impulsively made the wig appointment about an hour before my Broviac appointment, hoping I'd not only be finished with my procedure on time but that I'd feel good! Several of my friends from church referred me to this salon, so I made the appointment thinking what the heck. I tried on a few different styles that the stylist, Sherri and I thought might be good. I was only supposed to focus on style first and not color, but I had trouble doing that. The wigs I had tried on at the first store I went to were pretty much similar to my own hair, so this time we went with a different look and guess what? We found Gabby, a sassy light brown, highlighted wig that's shorter than my own hair but super cute. The two of them said that it looked like I just went to the salon and got a new cut and color! I liked it, and "what the heck" turned into "I'll take it!" Much thanks to my parents who bought Gabby for me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sherri drove me back to Kaiser and sat with me while a sweet nurse, Rafi, changed my dressing since it had some blood on it. Ew. Then she showed us how to "flush" my line. What? I will have to do this every morning and evening. Just for a few days while it heals, right? No, until it is removed. WHAT? Ok, creepy just turned into creepier. Using prefilled syringes, I have to flush my line first with saline and then with heparin, to prevent blood clots in my blood vessels. Gross AND creepy!! Rafi showed me how to do it and then I tried it. Ok, it wasn't that bad. I thought I could probably do it myself. Rafi then sent us down to the pharmacy to pick up my supplies. We waited quite awhile until my TWO GROCERY-SIZED BAGS were ready! I got boxes of syringes, purple gloves and alcohol wipes. I also got a package with all of my dressing materials. If my dressing ever gets wet, I will need to go to urgent care and be redressed. Haha.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When Sherri and I were talking to Rafi, she said something that made sense. I've been looking at my situation as having restrictions rather than taking precautions. It's all in my best interest. I have guidelines which have been found to be helpful in treating cancer patients, and I was diagnosed with cancer. Sherri said it's amazing that one word can change your whole outlook on everything. And my outlook has changed. </span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-87524510512714318162014-09-26T01:47:00.003-07:002014-09-26T01:47:40.859-07:00Sushi and the Salad Bar<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's becoming more real as each day passes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tuesday afternoon's chemo class was just too much information in a short period of time. I had read all my brochures from Kaiser and the American Cancer Society and done some online research, but this class...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There were only three patients in the large meeting room. Talked to the older man sitting across from me while we waited for the class to start. He was due to retire in January and was recently diagnosed with bladder cancer. Geez. Poor guy. The nurse started the 45 minute video. Most of the patients said the same thing, "When I heard that I had cancer I was devastated and I cried for two weeks." I wondered what's wrong with me that I haven't had that reaction. There were about six or eight different topics, I don't remember them all but there were do's and don'ts and what happens if and what to watch out for. Then the nurse gave each of us a packet that had our specific diagnosis and treatment plan, and lots of papers, the first one being a notice of the Proposition 65 Warning stating that our chemotherapy for our cancer treatment could, in fact, cause cancer. Is that the definition of irony?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The next paper was titled "Chemotherapy: After Your Visit" and states that if I ever get a fever over 100.5 I need to go to the emergency room immediately. If I develop a rash, I'm to contact the call center. If it's mouth sores, follow the mucositis regimen included in the packet. My medicine cabinet needs to be stocked with a digital thermometer, Tylenol, Benedryl and Imodium. Sounds great so far.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">More do's and don'ts regarding nutrition. No raw meat or eggs, which means NO SUSHI. All fresh fruit and vegetables must be washed and peeled, and since you can't peel lettuce, that means NO SALAD. Chemo can weaken your immune system by lowering your white blood count, which puts you at risk of getting sick from foods with either a naturally high level of bacteria, like feta, Gorgonzola, blue and Brie cheese, or foods that can become easily contaminated, like those found at salad bars, delis, buffets, sidewalk vendors and potlucks. No eggs benedict (hollandaise sauce) or fresh berries. Must avoid hot dogs, bacon and sausage because they have a tendency to be undercooked. As for alcohol, apparently it might not be a good idea with the anti-nausea meds and also might affect how the liver works at filtering all the chemo meds. Now when I started fussing about all these don'ts, the nurse said, "I'm not in your house. These are just guidelines." I told her, half jokingly, "Ok, stay outta my house!" But I get it. Basically I need to eat healthy and do my best to avoid the stuff that 's not in my best interest to consume.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wait. The diet changes depending on the chemo side effects! We reviewed ten double-sided papers with possible side effects, and I shall list them all: fatigue, mucositis, diarrhea, constipation, nausea/vomiting, peripheral neuropathy, hair loss, anemia, thrombocytopenia, and neutropenia. Each side effect has its own set of remedies, some of which contradict another one. Hopefully I would only get one side effect at a time. The nurse had our specific info in her hand, and when we talked about nausea, she looked at my paperwork and then at me, saying, "You need to be sure and take all your anti-nausea meds. Your first four chemo cycles are the toughest, and the patients have dubbed your treatment 'The Red Devil.'" Wow. I cannot wait to get started! When we discussed hair loss, she said that not everyone loses their hair. Again she looked at my treatment plan and then at me, saying, "You will lose your hair." I'm glad I appreciate blunt honesty.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also found out my chemo schedule. I will need blood drawn before every chemo session to make sure I am healthy enough for the treatment. It takes two hours to get the results, so my Mondays from now until March will consist of having blood drawn at 8:30, then breakfast (with no bacon, sausage, or eggs benedict), and then chemo for approximately three hours starting at 10:30. The other guy in the class has treatment for 7-8 hours, and then has to take home a pump and do chemo at home for five more days. Holy cow! I didn't find out what kind of cancer he had but I sure felt for him. I don't think he said a word the entire time.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well after all that I told my BFF that I felt like I needed a drink and a trip to the salad bar, so we went to Claim Jumper for dinner.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wednesday was my bone scan, so I took myself to Kaiser for another injection of radioactive isotopes. I was told to drink lots of liquid before returning for the scan (injection was at 11:30 and scan would be at 1:15). I went to Starbucks for my favorite chocolate croissant, drank three bottles of water and worked on my blog. The scan itself was easy. Fully clothed, on my back, a large, flat screen near my nose passed over my body and I was done.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, Thursday, I had my follow-up appointment with my chemo oncologist. He gave me the results of my scans, no sign of cancer! He said it was unusual for scans to be ordered for circumstances like mine (not really suspecting that the cancer had spread) but I am glad that I have a baseline that looks pretty good. And we found out that I have what looks like a fibroid in my uterus so I will need to see the gynocologist. Supposedly it's nothing to worry about. The doctor wanted to make sure I didn't have any questions or concerns about his recommended treatment for me, and told me he was actually hired for the MoVal Kaiser and I would be getting another doctor and my treatment was all planned out and in "the system" with all his notes and not to worry. He also told me again that I'm going to lose my hair (why does everyone want me to know that so badly???). He told me that everything I will be going through is just temporary, and that they want to do everything possible to ensure "quality of life" while I'm going through it. That was nicer to hear than "you're going to lose your hair."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After he signed my off-work order and the nurse gave me my papers, I went to Walmart to get a few things on my chemo list. I got my digital thermometer (one that gives your temperature in only 2 seconds is double the price of one that takes 20 seconds. Waiting 18 more seconds doesn't bother me.) I bought Greek yogurt, which I already love and usually have in my fridge, applesauce and chocolate pudding. Smooth foods are something I'm supposed to have on hand. And some frozen fruit for the Nutri-bullet to make smoothies.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I got home I had a surprise waiting for me in the mail. Erika and Allie ordered me my first hat, an adorable little burgundy cap with a cute flower on the side. I must admit that I cried a bit, and I'm not sure if it was because it hit me that I'm going to be bald or if it's because I have the best daughters in the whole, wide world. Maybe a little of each.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tonight is the last night that I'll be able to sleep without snagging the sheets. Seriously, I'm creeped out and really bummed by the thought of what's happening tomorrow, knowing that I will have a tube stuck to my chest for the next five or so months. When my friend Claudia called to pray for me, she reminded me that God worked out the details of my health care in advance of my cancer. He knew what would happen even though I did not. And he still knows what will happen. I need that thought to sustain me tomorrow when I get the Broviac catheter inserted, Monday when I start chemo, and for the next seven months as I take this unexpected journey.</span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9045675526914754236.post-15312336232752546822014-09-24T15:59:00.000-07:002014-09-26T01:50:28.713-07:00Some Answers but More Questions<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's a lot going on this week.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On Monday some kind friends I hadn't seen in quite awhile took me to lunch and to The Wigs, a strip mall shop with hundreds of heads all looking at me with their shiny, fake hair. The sales associate asked me if I needed something for a special occasion. Well I suppose needing a wig because you are losing your hair to chemo could be considered special. My friends and I chose a few pieces and I tried them on. We took pictures of the best ones, the ones that looked similar to my dark brown, shoulder-length hair right now, but I wasn't ready to make any decisions. A decent-looking wig is not cheap, and I still don't know how I feel about wearing one. Will I wear it often? Should I have one on hand for special occasions? Part of me wanted to go a little crazy and try on a long blond or red one, but another part of me just wanted to get out of there. I might go back this weekend and try again.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday morning I had an appointment at the Riverside County Workforce Development Center in order to meet the requirements for receiving unemployment benefits. I used to help people find jobs years ago when I worked for the county's welfare-to-work program, so it was weird being on the other side. In fact, I ran into two women I used to partner with who both asked me what I was doing there. Good question, on several levels. Since they didn't know about the cancer, maybe they meant "why does someone who used to help people find jobs need help finding a job?" It was kind of weird to be called out by the facilitator in front of the whole group. "Sandra and I used to work together back in the day." She wanted me to get a job coach (which is what I used to be) but they ended up giving me the forms for disability instead. Will my doctor sign the forms? If not, what kind of part-time job could I get?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After my appointment, I had a legal paperwork errand to do (is this the last one?), and then ended up at a place that provides cancer supportive services. I already felt odd about going there, and perhaps they need more funding, or volunteers, but I didn't get a very good first impression. It was an old house, and there was no reception desk and no one around to greet people who entered. An entire family was waiting in the "living room" and I walked into another room that had wigs and brochures that I looked at while waiting for someone to help me. A woman rushed through the room, quickly asking me what I needed and then telling me that she had several appontments and I could wait if I wanted to. I didn't want to wait. What if someone really needed help at that moment?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After that I went to Kaiser to take care of a few things. I had to get more blood drawn on my oncologist's orders, and when I checked in I was given seven stickers (meaning they'd take seven vials of blood). I was told to go right into the lab, bypassing the 30 people in the waiting room. Really? Ok. All the chairs were full and I was next. A woman came up next to me and asked me what my number was. She most likely thought I was cutting in line. I told her I didn't have a number, that I was told to go right in. She said, "Oh, you're STAT." "I guess so," I replied. I looked down at my stickers and there was a red stamp on the top one that actually said "STAT". Is a perk of preparing for chemo getting to go to the front of the line for "immediate, urgent and instant" service?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I then went to the pharmacy to pick up the medications my oncologist ordered for me. There were three, and all three were anti-nausea meds. One of them I'm supposed to take starting when I get home from my treatment, and the other two I am to take on the second and third days after chemo. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hmmm, is that a hint?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I went home from Kaiser to wait for my BFF to come pick me up to go back to Kaiser for my "What to Expect from Chemo" class. Talk about more questions than answers! I'll be writing another blog post for that one.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I may not have all the answers to my many questions, and that has been causing some anxiety and nights of interrupted sleep, so I have to remember this: "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock." (Isaiah 26:3-4)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Sandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09485061057189475146noreply@blogger.com0