Midlife necessities

Midlife necessities
Midlife necessities

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Afternoon Thoughts From a Chemo Foggy Patient

It's always hard after being with my kids. Readjusting to a quiet house, all my bathroom supplies have been restored to my bathroom and life goes back to normal. Well, now it's the new normal. Although everyone is reminding me that it's temporary, to which I say temporary is relative. 

These past few days have been more challenging than the first days after chemo #2. There was no magic pill I could take to ward off the physical and emotional results of both the chemo and some unexpected news that hurt my heart. I love my daughters so much, and wish they didn't have to deal with what they're dealing with. Because my energy is already lacking, I now feel completely zapped. Holly asked me what the hardest thing about this is, and as much as I whine about not having wine, I told her it's the fatigue. I don't even feel like walking my dogs, and I don't even feel like myself.

Last night Holly picked me up and took me to Bunco. It was nice to get out, good to see everyone and have some fun, but man, rolling those dice really tired me out. My sweet friend Sandy gave me a Brighton breast cancer keychain, a heart that says "hope, faith, LOVE". Ahh.

Holly brought me a wonderful homecooked meal that I can't wait to eat later. Lasagne, one of my very favorites, and a chocolate pie! My taste buds better be working! And to top it off, she gave me my shot. A good friend is someone who is as good with a spatula as she is with a needle! Haha! 

I've gotten used to flushing my catheter but not taping it up for the shower. I am handling my stomach shots, as long as I don't have to shoot myself. I am eating despite the changing taste buds, and staying hydrated with water, coffee and Gatorade. And I am shedding as much as Kianne.

My hair is not coming out in clumps, which is fortunate. I have that "when you pet a dog that is shedding" scenario. I've been unable to style the cute pixie I got on Monday night because the hair sticks to my hands before falling to the counter. Everywhere I go my hair follows me. It was hard to sleep last night because my scalp hurt on the pillow. I read that once your hair is gone, your scalp won't hurt. Rather than go through another hair washing/drain cleaning/scalp hurting day, today will be Hair Shaving Day. And probably Cry My Eyes Out Day as well.

Somehow I forgot to mention some good news from the meeting with my new oncologist on Monday. My logical Erika wanted to know my status. I've been saying that I was diagnosed with Stage 3 IDC breast cancer. But do I still HAVE cancer? Didn't they take it out with my lumpectomy and those two lymph nodes? My oncologist said yes! I am currently IN REMISSION, as far as we know, and in treatment to kill off anything we can't see and prevent anything else. Now that's a status! Woohoo!

Erika has a beautifully simple tattoo on her arm that says "grace". Grace is the "free and unmerited favor of God". I'll take that one step further, because I continue to be amazed and blessed by the favor of the family and friends who are building me up when I am weak. It takes effort to be an encouragement for someone, and so many of the individuals on my "support team" are going through so much themselves. God's grace is flowing to me through these loving friends and family. I know they are seeking Him and following Him. For them, there is no such thing as "out of sight, out of mind", for their minds are on higher things, and more than themselves. One of my favorite quotes is, "The clueless do not know they are clueless." Even though it's not scriptural, it's a good explanation when comprehension of certain actions is difficult to impossible.

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." My sincere love and thanks to the humble, GRACEFUL people in my life!

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